I Got Homophobed This Weekend

Not on a daily, but at least once every few years on looks alone I am asked by a lady if I am a Homo. Which I guess because I'm a good looking man, and from the sterotypes I hear of gay men always being good looking it is a compliment. I used the word Homo because that was the way the question was phrased to me and a friend of mine, who I know just does not have time to be gay with all the women that go through his revolving door.

It all started as a Freshman in college, I was all dapper in my silk shirt and Girbeau Jeans at some house party. Drinking some Milwaukee's Best / Busch Light listening to Onyx, H-Town, Wrex-In-Effect when some young co-ed (she was a 8 after 10 beers, 5.5/6 sober) walked through the crowd of students, interrupted a conversation with friends to fire off this question in front of everyone:

"Are you gay? Because you look like Pedro"

Now this was 1994 and Pedro, is Pedro the dude that died of AIDS on MTV's "The Real World." Getting just laughed at by my boys, random co-ed's around me, I dropped a "Well let's go back to my room and I will show you how gay I really am", and it worked. While being young and to put in baseball terms "still gaining game experience," this young lass would have been a good candidate for a old hair pulling and a "Who's your favorite New Kid?, call me Joey" type of night.

Now that "memories" has stopped playing, back to the session at hand. Now it does not bother me when I am asked this but this weekend it had a troubling effect on me. This lady (and that is still in question) who the two of us had never met got up from her table with a glass in hand, walked over directly to us and just dropped the question. The issue I have with this women asking me is that she was holding a glass that was near empty and no she did not or was proceeding to empty it, she was filling it. She was filling it with CHAW spit, she had a dip in, SHE WAS CHEWING TOBACCO.

Yes, this post has nothing to do with me looking like a gay man. What the fuck does a lady who was not dressed like a farmer, actually have some sort of blouse on, granted she was a 1 even on the drunk scale have a dip in for? If I had my quick goat thinking I could have asked if she had the strap-on tonight or is she taking it, and how the hell does a woman not only try the shit for one time but then continue to use it. That would be like me going to the Pig and getting a case of Virginia Slims, Play-tex Pearls, a six pack of Zima, and then grabbing a Cosmo while standing in line, and then have them throw all my groceries in my reusable sack, that was once used for my nuts.

I guess after being sick all week that was the last thing I needed to see, well second last but that is another story for another time, and by the way I saw a mommy bird feed her babies once. You know how they do that?? They actually vomit worms into their babies mouth, why don't humans do that??