Tuesday, April 15, 2008
If you want me to take you seriously smoking in the "Cart Area" of the Piggly Wiggly is not a good place to start. This hag decided that lighting up a cancer stick not outside but in the freakin store itself is a good idea. Then says to my son who could not see because of the Virginia Slim smoke "Do you want a coloring book?"
I thought about saying "Why all the pages are brown and smell like whore" but just let it go. After the two of us finally got into the store itself and were able to stand (you know get low and go) my son asked if the fire alarm was going to go off.
Nice job DARE way to pick them, I wonder if they actually test them for drugs.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Pocan decided he would lick the asses of a few environmentalists the other day by trying to pass some bullshit about no plastic bags allowed in stores any more. He goes on about dependence of foreign oil, polluting the land fills, Polar Bears drowning, Baby Seal Bashing.
Well, well, well Mr. Hypocrite seems that the only places that can use dreaded LDPE (low density Polyethylene)(the shit used in bags) is Pocan himself. See Mr. Pocan owns a sign shop in Madison, not a large shop but I am sure it pays the bills, and canvas shopping bags. To top it off he is not using PE he is using PVC for his vinyl banners, lettering, through his solvent ink ink-jet machines. PVC is used a lot in the business for signs and banners because it is inexpensive and strong, but it is extremely harsh to recycle, made primarily in Asia, and of all the regular poly uses the most harsh chemicals to make.
For one 3' x 10' banner he produces, is the equivalent to the same amount of resin in over 500 bags from the Pig. How does the old saying go "Do as I say not as I do." If I am an expert at something, it is the large/grand format printing market, and there is so many things that you can now do to print more "Green". I'm 33 and have sold in this market for 10 years, the "Green" movement is the biggest push I have ever seen the printing industry make. There is not one thing on his site that talks about printing cleaner for the environment. While I will not say what I do I make good money off the people that want to print this way, and for those who say "You should let him know"
Fuck him, they way that dude talks he should have led the charge.
"Pie is suffering from what's called testicular torsion, or, in layman's terms, a twisted testicle. It happened early in camp, but Pie had the problem reduced manually, sources said, and was able to continue playing. He was scheduled to have the corrective surgery on the Cubs off-day next Monday, but when Pie reported to camp with soreness Monday, the Cubs decided to get the procedure done today. "
Now after reading that I would think it is season ending but apparently it is 3 to 5 days. The part of having the problem reduced manually is that done by a trainer, a significant other, or himself. If done by himself that would put him right there with the dude who sawed his arm off with a butter knife after he got it smashed rock climbing.
The Cubs have said that they do not know how this happened, right and Kerry Wood has just minor shoulder irritation. I would probably be able to tell you in great detail if this had ever happened to me. Your nut decides to face the other way and you don't know how it got that way. I would have been under the assumption that if your nut got turned it would like a phone cord just hurt like a mother fucker and flip back the other way.
Well at least we know what injury Ben Sheets cannot suffer from this year.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
10 - Prince Fielder
9 - Ryan Braun
8 - Ben Sheets (he is getting paid after this season)
7 - Yovanni Gallardo
6 - JJ Hardy
5 - Corey Hart
4 - Rickie Weeks
3 - Carlos Villanueva
2 - Manny Parra
1 - Chris Capuano
Keep in mind you have Bill Hall locked up for 6 years, and yes there is still a few on the Suppan contract. For those Brewer geeks remember we have some middle infield talent at AAA with Escobar and it does appear last years first round pick LF Matt LaPorta is the real deal.
I think I go this way
10 - Prince Fielder, it is not going to be a regular occurrence for people to hit 50 bombs with the steroid crackdown. Prince not only young has the potential to be a HOF player, and puts asses in the seats.
5 - Corey Hart, I am calling it now he is no less then a 30/30 guy I would be more inclined to say a 31HR/35SB type of player. He is under the radar that is the reason for the value here. Last year he hit .295/24HR/23SB and that is after sitting most of the first month due to Ned Yost's inability to coach. Corey Hart is now my favorite Brewer sorry Cappy.
3 - Carlos Villanueva, I am throwing this out there Villanueva could be this teams #2 starter next year. If he is not in the rotation this year Yost should be shot. He is another under the radar guy that will be very valuable to this team this year.
2 - Manny Parra, if healthy he has some movement similar to Kevin Brown. Parra last year threw a perfect game in AAA. For the longest time (until Gallardo) was the top pitching prospect of the Brewers. He has finally shown those flashes last season and had a good outing yesterday by throwing three scoreless innings. I would rather keep Villanueva/Parra then just Gallardo. Parry should make the club and in my opinion the rotation should be Vagina Man, Gallardo, Suppan, Villanueva, and Parra. That leaves Cappy, Bush, Vargas, Zach Jackson as bullpen, AAA, or trade bait.
Obviously you cannot keep everyone, especially if they all play to the caliber they are capable of. LaPorta will make Braun expendable, Weeks and Hardy have capable replacements, Gallardo will be around a while (arbitration in 4 years), and that sex change operation Sheet's is having will never make him the same pitcher.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
A change up is the best pitch in baseball and when Gagne was good he had a fastball around 97 and a change around 82 essentially unhittable, now a fast ball at 93 and a change at 82 means you are better off throwing a JUGS machine out there.
Turnbow just is a head case, if you ever want to rattle a relief pitcher call him a gas can. Essentially you are saying that you are putting gas on the fire. So when Turnbow comes out of the bullpen to Metallica's "Fuel" he basically has it down. When he can throw that 83 MPH curve for a strike the guy is the best pitcher I have ever seen. Once hitters learned he cannot throw it for a strike, they laid off and waited for 98 MPH straight heat and blasted it.
Actually, I really think that by May 31st Seth McClung could be the closer and David Riske (Free Agent signee) will be the 8th inning guy. Solomn Torres and Brian Shouse look old, and Guillermo Mota just sucks.
Well here is to Sheets, Gallardo and the rest of the starting putting in 7 good innings a night and an offense putting up 8 runs a game.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
SPRING ROLLS ON FRESH GREENS
I have no clue what Spring Rolls are but it sounds something like a douchbag Vegan would eat. If that was not enough the next puzzle made it perfectly clear, the dude guessed an M after he had the following puzzle
_ARD _OR_ AND DED_CATION
Are you freakin kidding me.
Oh Yeah for the libs the answer was
HARD WORK AND DEDICATION
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
"My girl and I like to pretend that we are having a threesome. The third
party in the threesome is a pillow. The pillow definitely knows what it is
Holy Shit are you serious!! It ended there but I am assuming that their night ends by him pulling out and blasting the pillowcase and making "His Girl" sleep on it.
I will help all of you fish out this Valentine's Day, here is a list of ideas of putting the spark back in your marriage/relationship.
1. Look Up Sexual Slang Terms - I will help you with a few "Rusty Trombone", "The Houdini", "The Copperfield", "Snowball", "The Rodeo", "Donkey Punch". Guys after reading the meaning of the "Rusty Trombone" your signifigant other will not only be in the mood she will probably want to try it.
2. BJ's - Valentine's Day is considered a dual holiday so I will not be this lucky, yeah like the majority of you I receive something once a year on MY Birthday and that is not until August. So for the unmarried lads (or your Birthday is Thursday) out there a couple words of advice. First, don't tell her when your close let her figure it out for herself they like that, it is some sort of game to them. Second, and espically if covers are involved just drop massive bombs and do this before they even go under the covers, let it fester like a Dutch Oven. Third, and most important take them when you can get them because, "I actually like doing that" is a complete lie, it is the most terrible lie ever, it is that or taste buds change after marriage.
3. Porn - Ladies secretly love porn, so the best advice I can give is not suggest it just order it up when she is brushing her teeth (after your suprise BJ). She will be so happy when she gets back to bed, also ask her "if she can bend like that", and "why don't your fun-bags point out like those". That is not insulting it is her answering questions like a teacher, ladies love being smart. Another bit of advice is don't tell her you want to try some of the things you see on TV just do it until she says "no", punches you, or you hear her hip crack. If all else fails, hell you are out 20 bucks, worth a shot.
4. Drinking and Threesomes - I have never tested this theory if I had you all would have known I found the "Golden Chalise." Here's the deal every woman is 4 drinks from a lesbian expierence. Hell I bet most of us don't even know what our wives and girlfriends did in College. Go to a bar, find a single girl (easy to spot they have no man on Valentine's) start talking about nothing, order them a few drinks, and just drop it on both of them, DO NOT tell your signifigant other you are doing this before going to the bar, all you will hear is "I would never do that" (bullshit you have facts). The conversation will go like this.
Bar Slut - Thanks for all the drinks, I just came down for a quick bite to eat (BULLSHIT)
Wife - No problem, sorry to hear about your boyfriend's parachute not opening last month
YOU - Yeah, did he skydive often??
Bar Slut - It was only his...(starts to weep)
YOU - Hey let's go back to our place and all of us get naked!!
BOOM you are in
Now if for what ever reason these great ideas fail you this Thursday, you can always go with "Plan B" that is the "Stranger" just sit on your hand for 10 minuteslet it go numb, and you know the rest. Ladies I will take any suggestions you may have.
-This site is not responsible for any brusies, broken bones, broken marriages, blue balls, murders, caused if you try any of the above suggestions. Results may vary please check with you physican before attempting any of the ideas stated above.