This Was On Yahoo...

In a discussion forum about "spicing" up your relationship

"My girl and I like to pretend that we are having a threesome. The third
party in the threesome is a pillow. The pillow definitely knows what it is
doing."

Holy Shit are you serious!! It ended there but I am assuming that their night ends by him pulling out and blasting the pillowcase and making "His Girl" sleep on it.

I will help all of you fish out this Valentine's Day, here is a list of ideas of putting the spark back in your marriage/relationship.

1. Look Up Sexual Slang Terms - I will help you with a few "Rusty Trombone", "The Houdini", "The Copperfield", "Snowball", "The Rodeo", "Donkey Punch". Guys after reading the meaning of the "Rusty Trombone" your signifigant other will not only be in the mood she will probably want to try it.

2. BJ's - Valentine's Day is considered a dual holiday so I will not be this lucky, yeah like the majority of you I receive something once a year on MY Birthday and that is not until August. So for the unmarried lads (or your Birthday is Thursday) out there a couple words of advice. First, don't tell her when your close let her figure it out for herself they like that, it is some sort of game to them. Second, and espically if covers are involved just drop massive bombs and do this before they even go under the covers, let it fester like a Dutch Oven. Third, and most important take them when you can get them because, "I actually like doing that" is a complete lie, it is the most terrible lie ever, it is that or taste buds change after marriage.

3. Porn - Ladies secretly love porn, so the best advice I can give is not suggest it just order it up when she is brushing her teeth (after your suprise BJ). She will be so happy when she gets back to bed, also ask her "if she can bend like that", and "why don't your fun-bags point out like those". That is not insulting it is her answering questions like a teacher, ladies love being smart. Another bit of advice is don't tell her you want to try some of the things you see on TV just do it until she says "no", punches you, or you hear her hip crack. If all else fails, hell you are out 20 bucks, worth a shot.

4. Drinking and Threesomes - I have never tested this theory if I had you all would have known I found the "Golden Chalise." Here's the deal every woman is 4 drinks from a lesbian expierence. Hell I bet most of us don't even know what our wives and girlfriends did in College. Go to a bar, find a single girl (easy to spot they have no man on Valentine's) start talking about nothing, order them a few drinks, and just drop it on both of them, DO NOT tell your signifigant other you are doing this before going to the bar, all you will hear is "I would never do that" (bullshit you have facts). The conversation will go like this.

Bar Slut - Thanks for all the drinks, I just came down for a quick bite to eat (BULLSHIT)

Wife - No problem, sorry to hear about your boyfriend's parachute not opening last month

YOU - Yeah, did he skydive often??

Bar Slut - It was only his...(starts to weep)

YOU - Hey let's go back to our place and all of us get naked!!

BOOM you are in

Now if for what ever reason these great ideas fail you this Thursday, you can always go with "Plan B" that is the "Stranger" just sit on your hand for 10 minuteslet it go numb, and you know the rest. Ladies I will take any suggestions you may have.

-This site is not responsible for any brusies, broken bones, broken marriages, blue balls, murders, caused if you try any of the above suggestions. Results may vary please check with you physican before attempting any of the ideas stated above.